Best Song Ever: Aphasia - Pinegrove
A inspirational song about the impact of speaking your truth
“So satisfied, I said a lot of things tonight. So long, aphasia and the ways it kept me hiding.”
According to the Mayo clinic Aphasia is a disorder that affects how you communicate. It can impact your speech, as well as the way you write and understand both spoken and written language.
In the song "Aphasia" by Pinegrove, the author uses aphasia to articulate the protagonist's lack of ability to express himself and his true self. In this song, he says that he spent most of the relationship not being able to say what he felt, even though it seemed obvious to him and he thought the other person would understand. However, when he breaks free from aphasia, he says lots of things to the other person. It doesn't matter what he said; what matters is that he felt the need to say it. Breaking free from aphasia ends up destroying the relationship because he can now say what he wants. He wants the other person to love him even though he is saying all these things, but the other person no longer loves him, and that crushes him.
Pinegrove, an indie rock band hailing from Montclair, New Jersey, has gained a devoted following with their heartfelt lyrics and distinctive blend of folk, emo, and alternative rock. Led by vocalist and songwriter Evan Stephens Hall, Pinegrove's music explores themes of self-reflection, relationships, and personal growth with a raw and introspective approach. Their sound is characterized by earnest vocals, intricate guitar melodies, and a rich blend of acoustic and electric instrumentation. Pinegrove's music possesses a captivating sincerity, with lyrics that resonate deeply with listeners, often delving into themes of vulnerability, mental health, and navigating the complexities of human connection. Their introspective songwriting, coupled with their dynamic and energetic performances, has cemented Pinegrove's place as a prominent figure in the indie rock scene, evoking both nostalgia and an enduring sense of hope.
Lets dig into the song.
“So satisfied, I said a lot of things tonight. So long, aphasia and the ways it kept me hiding. It’s not so much exactly all the words I used. It’s more that I was somehow down to let them loose.”
He says a lot of things. The things probably hurt the other person, but he needed to express himself. The actual words he said don't matter; what matters is that he had to say them. He had to get them out. They’ve been inside for so long and hidden, and he feels good that he got the words out.
“So complicated I can’t wait to get to get explaining. Your listening distended out since I’ve been crying.”
He knows he needs to explain himself, and the other person is confused, shocked, in fact, by the words he’s been saying.
“So long aphasia and the ways it kept me hidden. So long to silent nerves and hesitant oblivion.”
He can no longer hide himself. And this is good for him. He can now stop walking around this person so anxious by their presence because of how they make him feel. He no longer needs to be high or drunk to be alive because he no longer needs to be hidden. This will resolve all his addictions now. He is free.
“You came and sent me out unfurling in the street. I felt unprecedented confidence in speaking.”
The other person unintentionally caused this. They created a drastic action that finally made him feel the need to speak his truth more than ever before. The other person pushed him away or threw him out, and there was nothing left to do but unfurl on the street. The other person abandoned him, and he had nothing left but to expose himself and his thoughts and feelings.
“Just stick around, I’m thinking things will be alright. Newly delivered, won’t you live with me tonight.”
He is asking the other person to stick with him. The way he says it makes it clear that he knows that this ask will go unanswered.
“Something tonight was such a let down on my pride. It takes a part of me I don’t got to take some things in stride.”
The other person does not accept this new person. And this impacts him deeply. He can’t take their lack of acceptance in stride.
“I pace around the place. So quiet in myself. Awake the next to see my silence went unfelt.”
This reminds me of Again I Go Unnoticed, by Dashboard Confessional. He says throughout the song that his unspoken words go unnoticed by the other. And I think that is what is being said here.
“Just when I thought I had this pattern sorted out. Apparently my ventricles are full of doubt.”
He thought he had this relationship thing figured out and he thought he felt a certain way. But now he feels differently. His insides feel differently than he thought he felt.
“Nah, things go wrong sometimes. Don’t let it freak you out. But if I don’t have you by me then I’ll go underground.”
He is realizing that him speaking his truth didn’t go the way he planned. And the other person is going to leave him. And he thinks that is going to destroy him. This sucks and is shown to suck because of the emotion behind the vocals.
“Nah, but what you got was in your reaches all along.”
Leaving his aphasia was available to him all along.
“Plus one day you’ll be reaching for me and I’ll be gone.
Indeed
“So to help remind myself I wrote this little song.”
He wrote the song to remind of him of all we’ve discussed, but most importantly what comes next.
“One day I won’t need your love. One day I won’t define myself by the one I’m thinkin of.”
This is a hopeful refrain. He is hopeful that one day he not only won’t need the love of the other person. But that he won’t need the love of anyone. It’s worth noting how he sings it.
“And if one day I won’t need it. And one day you won’t need it.”
And if he won’t need the other persons love, he realizes that one day the other person won’t need his love and you can tell by the moaning and screaming afterwards that he is not happy about this.
Check out this live version of the song. I love the audience sing along in the beginning. It really captures the emotion and connection that fans have with this song.