“Her body was an outpost for ideas that didn’t work. A nation failed and broken, invaded and then burnt. And the crumbles and the ashes that settled in her purse. Were the ruins of an empire and the people we once were.”
“Pardon the indulgence.” Thats what Chris Cornell said (or something like that…memories are challenging), when I saw him lead Temple of the Dog through a rousing set of classic, indulgent songs in 2013. As I introduce my annual birthday playlist, I think I need to ask you to pardon the indulgence. While I’ve spent most of the year trying to keep my playlists to 10 songs and just around an hour, I have not done that in this case. This playlist clocks in at nearly 40 songs and over three hours. Pardon the indulgence. But, this has been an eventful year. This year was totally significant. It was dark. It was ominous. It was full of change. I am trying to have it end with hope. This playlist reflects all that. I am going to present it without commentary and really let the music speak for itself.
When the Levee Breaks - Led Zepplin
"Crying won't help you. Praying won't do you no good."
The Rat - The Walkmen
"Can't you hear me? I'm bleeding on the wall! Can't you see me? I'm pounding on your door! Can't you hear me when I'm calling out your name?"
Life During Wartime (Live) - The Talking Heads
"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco. This ain't no fooling around. This ain't no Mudd Club, or CBGB. I ain't got time for that now."
Shit Luck - Modest Mouse
“This plane is definitely crashing!This is boat is obviously sinking! This buildings totally burning down! My heart is slowly dried up!”
Blood (Live) - Pearl Jam
“It’s my blood!”
A Pot In Which To Piss - Titus Andronicus
"It was a pretty good GPA. We got a couple of good grades. And it sounded like a pretty good seven inch. And winter didn't seem so cold. And I had a smile for everyone I know. I was starting to get comfortable in the place that I'm in. And it used to not mean anything. It used to not mean anything. It used to not mean anything, but it really means nothing now."
Aphasia - Pinegrove
I wrote a Best Song Ever about this song.
"So satisfied, I said a lot of things tonight. So long, aphasia and the ways it kept me hiding. It's not so much exactly all the words I used. It's more that I was somehow down to let them loose."
Salt In The Wound - boygenius
“You put salt in the wound. And a kiss on my cheek. You butter me up. And you sit down to eat. You add insult to injury. You say you believe in me. But you haven't decided. About taking or leaving me. But you take and you take. Like silks up my sleeve. Tied corner to corner, never ending. Trick after trick, I make the magic. And you unrelentingly ask for the secret.”
Motion Sickness - Phoebe Bridgers
“I hate you for what you did. And, I miss you like a little kid. I faked it every time. But thats alright.”
Divorce Song - Liz Phair
“And when I asked for a separate room. It was late at night and we'd been driving since noon. But if I'd known how that would sound to you. I would have stayed in your bed for the rest of my life. Just to prove I was right. That it's harder to be friends than lovers. And you shouldn't try to mix the two 'Cause if you do it and you're still unhappy. Then you know that the problem is you. And it's true that I stole your lighter. And it's also true that I lost the map. But when you said that I wasn't worth talking to. I had to take your word on that. But if you'd known how that would sound to me. You would have taken it back.”
If Its The Beaches - The Avett Brothers
I wrote a Best Song Ever about this song this year.
“Don’t say its over. Cause that’s the worst news I could hear. I swear that I will. Do my best to be here just the way you like it. Even though its hard to hide. Push my feelings all aside. I will rearrange my plans and change for you.”
Fast Car - Tracy Chapmen
I wrote a Best Song Ever about this song.
“You got a fast car. I want a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we make a deal. Maybe together we can get somewhere. Any place is better. Starting from zero, got nothing to lose. Maybe we'll make something. Me, myself, I got nothing to prove”
Best of You - Foo Fighters
“I needed somewhere to hang my head. Without your noose. You gave me something that I didn't have. But had no use. I was too weak to give in. Too strong to lose. My heart is under arrest again. But I break loose. My head is giving me life or death. But I can't choose. I swear I'll never give in. I refuse. Is someone getting the best, the best, the best. The best of you?”
The Scientist - Coldplay
“Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start.”
Poke - Frightened Rabbit
I wrote a very long Best Song Ever (album edition) about the album.
“You should look through some old photos. I adored you in every one of those. If someone took a picture of us now they'd need to be told. That we had ever clung and tied. A navy knot with arms at night. I'd say she was his sister but she doesn't have his nose. And now we're unrelated and rid of all the shit we hated. But I hate when I feel like this. And I never hated you.”
November Rain - Guns N’ Roses
“When I look into your eyes. I can see a love restrained. But darlin' when I hold you. Don't you know I feel the same?. Nothin' lasts forever. And we both know hearts can change. And it's hard to hold a candle. In the cold November rain.”
Don’t Speak - No Doubt
“You and me. We used to be together, everyday together. Always, I really feel that I'm losin' my best friend. I can't believe this could be the end.”
Stick Season - Noah Kahan
“As you promised me that I was more than all the miles combined. You must've had yourself a change of heart like halfway through the drive. Because your voice trailed off exactly as you passed my exit sign. Kept on drivin' straight and left our future to the right. Now I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face. And memories are somethin' even smoking weed does not replace. And I am terrified of weather 'cause I see you when it rains. Doc told me to travel, but there's COVID on the planes.”
“And I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks. And I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed. And it's half my fault, but I just like to play the victim. I'll drink alcohol 'til my friends come home for Christmas. And I'll dream each night of some version of you. That I might not have, but I did not lose. Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes. And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do.”
This Year - The Mountain Goats
“I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me.”
Stay Together For The Kids - Blink 182
"What stupid poem could fix this home? I'd read it every day."
Wonderful - Everclear
“I close my eyes when I get too sad. I think thoughts that I know are bad. Close my eyes and I count to ten. Hope it's over when I open them. I want the things that I had before. Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door. I wish I could count to ten. Make everything be wonderful again. Hope my mom and I hope my dad. Will figure out why they get so mad. Hear them scream, I hear them fight. Say bad words that make me want to cry.”
End of the Innocence - Don Henley
"Remember when the days were long and rolled beneath the deep blue sky. Didn't have a care in the world. With mom and daddy standing by. And happily ever after fails. And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales. Lawyers dwell on small details. Since daddy had to fly. Find a little place where we can go. Still untouched by men. Sit and watch the clouds roll by the tall grass sways in the wind. You can lay your head back on the ground. Let your hair fall all around me. Offer up your best defense. This is the end. This is the end of the innocence."
Mockingbird - Eminem
"Hailie, I know you miss your Mom, and I know you miss your Dad. When I'm gone, but I'm tryin' to give you the life that I never had. I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh. I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you wanna cry 'Cause you're scared, I ain't there."
Smile (live) - Pearl Jam
"I miss you already!"
Daughter/It's OK - Pearl Jam
"But it's okay (It's okay). You know I love you anyway. You don't have to run and hide away. It's okay. Its okay. Its okay. Its okay."
Backwards Walk - Frightened Rabbit
I wrote a very long Best Song Ever (album edition) about the album.
“I'm working on my faults and cracks. Filling in the blanks and gaps. And when I write them out they don't make sense. I need you to pencil in the rest. I'm working on drawing a straight line. And I'll draw until I get one right. It's bold and dark girl, can't you see. I done drawn a line between you and me. I'm working on erasing you. Just don't have the proper tools. I get hammered, forget that you exist. There's no way I'm forgetting this. I'm working hard on walking out. Shoes keep sticking to the ground. My clothes won't let me close the door. Cause the trousers seem to love your floor.”
Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac
“Loving you. Isn't the right thing to do, How can I ever change things. That I feel? If I could. Baby, I'd give you my world. How can I. When you won't take it from me?”
Guilty Party - The National
"I say your name. I say I'm sorry. I know it's not working. I'm no holiday. It's nobody's fault, No guilty party. We just got nothing. Nothing left to say."
The Trapeze Swinger - Iron and Wine
“But please, remember me, my misery. And how it lost me all I wanted. Those dogs that love the rain and chasing trains. The colored birds above their running. In circles 'round the well and where it spells. On the wall behind St. Peter's. So bright on cinder gray and spray paint "Who the hell can see forever?"
Holy Shit - Father John Misty
“Oh, and love is just an institution based on human frailty. What's your paradise gotta do with Adam and Eve? Maybe love is just an economy based on resource scarcity. But what I fail to see is what that's gotta do with you and me.”
A More Perfect Union - Titus Andronicus
“I sense the enemy, they're rustling around in the trees. I thought I had gotten away but the followed me to 02143. Oh, woe, woe is me, no one knows the trouble I see”
Be Honest - Craig Finn
“Her body was an outpost for ideas that didn’t work. A nation failed and broken, invaded and then burnt. And the crumbles and the ashes that settled in her purse. Were the ruins of an empire and the people we once were.”
“The ruins of an empire and the people we once were. If revolution is really coming, then we all need to be well. So maybe it’s just best if we both take care of ourselves.”
Raining In Baltimore - Counting Crows
“This circus is falling down on its knees. The big top is crumbling down. It's raining in Baltimore, fifteen miles east. Where you should be, no one's around. I need a phone call, I need a raincoat. I need a big love, I need a phone call.”
All My Love - Noah Kahan
“Write me a list of how it is, of how it was, of how it has to be. You burrowed in under my skin, what I'd give to have you out for me. I still recall how the leather in your car feels. And at the end of it all, I just hope that your scars healed. We once sang. Retrograde, we'd shake the frame of your car. Now I know your name, but not who you are. It's all okay. There ain't a drop of bad blood, it's all my love.”
Stay Positive - The Hold Steady
“There's gonna come a time when the scene will seem less sunny. It'll probably get druggy and the kids will seem to skinny. There's gonna come a time when shes gonna have to go. With whoevers gonna get her the highest. There's gonna come a time when the true scene leaders. Forget where they differ and get big picture. 'cause the kids at their shows, they'll have kids of their own. The sing-a-long songs will be our scriptures.”
Present Tense - Pearl Jam
“You can spend your time alone re-digesting past regrets, oh. Or you can come to terms and realize. You're the only one who cannot forgive yourself, oh. Makes much more sense, to live in the present tense.”
God Speed - Zach Bryan
“Well, I wanna send a post card. From the edge of a place I've never been. And I wanna make love hard. Under the stars in the back of a beat up ol' K-10. And I wanna love a girl who. Doesn't worry about the pictures when we kiss. And wake up one day and not be so hit and miss. Lay in bed all day and call that shit pure bliss.”
The Long Road - Pearl Jam
“And the wind keeps rollin', And the sky keeps turning gray. And the sun is set...The sun will rise another day.”
Check out the playlist below on Spotify. Or click here for Apple Music.